I am fucking screwed. I failed a class and when my parents find out I am dead. I won't have anything or be able to do anything. I am going to lose my Lottery money, my insurance, maybe even my car. Dammit all to fucking hell. I don't know what to fuck to do. I really am screwed this time, and I really fucked up this time. No doubt about it. I'm fucking screwed.

So my buddy Ana may be mad at me yet again. She, per usual, waited until the last minute to text me and ask me if I could take her to work. As it happened, I didn't have my normal second class today, so I went to work very early to help with Polar Express day at ten. At lunch I look at my phone and see that I have two texts, a missed call, and a message. All from Ana. She was texting me and calling to ask me to take her to work at 11. After work I text her to tell her I was at work when she calle me, and she got all bitchy about how she try to contact me at 9 and how I was usually at class. She sent back about how her boss was mad, and I said I was sorry, and I got another Bitchy text how sorry wouldn't get her job back if she got fired and how I should have called her so she could have found another ride. Ana said that she called me about 9, well, I looked at my missed calls list to see when she called, because I was at MTSU still at nine, and she called me a effing 10:21. That is 40 effing minutes before she has to be at work. I take about thirty minutes early, so in other words, ten minutes before I get to work. Ten effing minutes. What the Hell do I look like? A Taxi service? I am starting to think my dad is right when he says that Ana is only my friend so she can rides to and from places...Ain't that great that I am starting to feel this way? My God, the past few times I have asked Ana if I was her ride to work she has said no, and recentlly she hasn't even been on campus when I've asked her about going to work. I didn't know she was on campus, I didn't know she needed a ride.

Yet again, I am sitting in the KUC bored out of my mind. keysha is here and for once Bri is here before her class...Amazing! And guess what, she is sporting a hicky...Yea, Jesus got a little happy with her neck. It's great. Anyway, I got to see Ana a little tispy on Wed, oh what fun! I have never seen her drunk, so it was great to see her on her way there. She also started to rant about Micky and how she always likes the guys that don't grow the balls to ask her out. It was great. Grr...I hate my parents. God I wish they would just go away and leave me be. a 18 f#cking years old! I'll be 19 in a little more then a month, but does that mean that they trust me? No! Does that mean that they let me make my own choices? No! GRRRR! I want to just leave, but that would just make it harder on me when I went back, eventually(sp). hgksdjvlksjgo uguekvuee....Ok...I feel a little better now. TTFN

The subject of Bitty Guy was brought up in my house hold. My sister ask yesterday if I was going to the Christmas Party that work is haveing, I say yes and mention that I actually have a date. "Really! Who? I wish I knew someong cute that I could ask," was my sister's squeaky reply. "A guy I know from school," i told her hoping that the coversation was over, but my mother over heard us and asked if I was going with the Mormon...(My mum had been introduced to the idea of Oliver the day before.) "No Mother, it's not the Mormon, I know him from SHS. I know this guy from MTSU," was the witty reply I came up with. Then my mother mentioned to my father that I was going with a date, and the frist thing my father ask me was how old is he. Funny that my father asked and not my mother. When I said he was 24, I got a look and my sister started laughing. Then my mum, such a joker (glow, drip), asked if he was ine of my teachers...HUH? Yeah, so my parents know that there is a guy, that he is from school, and that he is 24. That's all they need to know fr now. I just realized something, they still haven't asked what his name is...Who else thinks that's odd?

I would post this on xanga, but i don't want to deal with Mi Mi being over-protective...Well, I'm over-protevctive of her, but she is much nicer then I am so I worry about her. Anyway, I really don't like it when creepy guys just stare at you [And no Geddy, I don't mean you ;)]. I was sitting in the KUC when I look up, and there was this creepy guy just looking at me. I was slightly scared because I was alone and then suddenly there was a guy looking at me that I don't know...Well, that is I don't knoe him know him. He works at the KUC in the Mornings, so I've seen him before, but I've NEVER talked to him. I look up and there he is, looking at me...Mainly at my legs(yuck) and then he noticed that I saw him looking and he looked away real quick. Where was Bitty Guy when I need him?

I have just come from the most awkward lunch. After I hung out w/ Bitty Guy, he took me back to the Lib, and then he ran away. I was a little hungry after our...yeah, so I went on a search for food. I first went to the KUC, and discovered that is was being over run by children. It's my day off...I don't want to deal with children. Because of this I went to Cyber, and guess who was there! Ana and Bri! YAY! -please note the sarcasm that is dripping from each and every word- I went over, hoping that they would speak instead of ignoring the fact that they were fighting and that they were mad at me...But that is way too much to ask. Ana sat there playing with her wallet, Bri read, and I set there eating my sandwich as fast as I could. When I was done and about to leave, Bri finally said something..."I think I'm going to head to class." Wow isn't it amazing and awe inspiring(sp)? Grr... I left and came to hide in the Lib. I really should be working on my paper on Midnight Magic for English, but for some reason I can not get inspired to write about a guy who as memory laspes and doesn't know that he is the rapist on the lose. Or rather I can not find the inspiration to write about the Themes that Bobbie Ann Mason uses to prove that Steve is the Rapist. Yeah. Fun.... Blah...Tom is a bastard...I wish he would die and leave me alone. (Geddy, don't ask who tom is please. It's just another inside code that Ana, Bri, Mi Mi, and I use.) I feel so sick right now...Anyway, on to better news, ummm....ummmm....ummmm....I don't know. OH! No, that's nothing. Hmm...hmm...hmm...hmm...hmm... Life at the moment is going pretty good, I'm happy(6), I've got a nibble buddy, Mi Mi is coming back in a few weeks, I'm becoming better friends with Vanessa, Other then the for mentioned paper the only major thing I have due is a speach that I am doing the Intro on tomorrow and I'm really excited about that, and my parents haven't been competely evil recently. Oh! And the performance that my SL kids did on Sunday went great. The only issue we had was that a girl that had been to SL once wanted to perform with us. Nancy nor my Mom could say no, and I was too busy making sure everyone was together to ask her to leave... Then the girl decided to not perform with us the second hour and tried to still one of our shirts that Nancy and I made three years ago when we first started the class. Lovely, lovely child. It flurried today. It's only Nov. and yet there are flurries, I swear, the universe is off balance. First Smyrna beat Riverdale, and now there are flurried in Nov! What next? Ana wants blond hair and I start wearing pink? Ok...That would be a lot funnier if Ana, Mi Mi, Bri, or Keysha read it. Since you don't get the funny, I shall explain... Ana had blonde hair when she was very young, but hates how her hair used to look so she dies it red, brown, black, whatever she can so not to have blonde hair. And the pink comment, well...I despise the color pink. I hate it with a passion that burns deep in my soul. Not only do I think it is an ugly color, but it is one of my sister's most worn colors. Now don't get me wrong, I love my sister, but sometimes...ok, most of the time she annoies the hell out of me. She is 7 years older and is my complete opposite in almost everything. I'm more into black clothes, dark make-up (when I wear it), loud music, and be totally me without caring what others say (my parents and friends are the only people who can get me to care). My sister on the other hand loves the colors pink and purpl, wears tons of make-up eveyday (she won't go farther then our back yard without make-up, but at least it's tastefully done), music truned so low you can hardly hear it (we can only agree on Christian bands, MercyMe being the Major one), and is extremely preppy and has to fallow the major fades so she can look cute at all times. Even to this day she will try to change something about how I look before I leave the house. Mainly her thing has been by green and black knee socks. She hates them, and hates that I got a pair for my mum, who happens to hate my socks as well. I have um eins uhr funfunddriezig until I have to go to lab and I am completely bored. Blah. I still feel sick. I'm IMing with Bitty Guy, but he is working on a paper and I don't want to mess him up. Yeah, I don't know what to tell Ana and Bri about him. Ana is asking what we're doing. If we're dating, flirting, or if we're just being nibble buddies. If and when she and Bri and especially Mi Mi find out where I was today, I prolly will either be yelled at or given the cold shoulder. But truthfully, I don't care. I really like Bitty Guy and he likes me, and I'm happy (7). They should be happy for me. But I doubt that will happen. They're just not cool like that yo. Grr...I don't know how I'm going to deal with them. And this is the only place I can write about this because if I go to xanga they will read it, if I go to myspace there is a chance they will read it. Gah! But I am glad I was able to start this page. I just hope Bri doesn't go looking for it because if she finds it and reads what I've written while complaining about her and Ana then there will be a huge blow out, and I can't deal with losing anymore friends of the best kind. One is enough to last a life time. God, I hate thinking about that...ok..happy things. Oh...I'm happy(8), I'm happy(9), I'm happy(10), I'm happy(11), I'm happy(12), I'm happy(13), I'm happy(14). I still want to go to a movie, but I'm afraid to bring that up to my friends, maybe I can ask Vanessa or Mi Mi when she comes down. Yeah, I got lucky, Vanessa works with me so I know that she works tues, thur, and fri, so I can ask her to hang out and know work isn't an issure. And Mi Mi doesn't have a job down here, so I don't have to worry about her working either. Yeah, I'll ask if they want to go to a movie on fri or sat night and the go to the pool hall...Yeah, I'll just leave the pool hall out of the plans when I tell my parents. Grr, that still bugs me... "Virtuous young women don't go to pool halls" I love my mother. Hmm...I have told Ana and Bri many times that I should just lose my virtue so I can come see them at work...I do have an offer...Sorry Geddy had to do that...Anyway, I'm still bored and I have an hour before lab, and I still have to go to the Cope building, I guess I will be leaving here soon, and how work on my paper did I get done you ask...Well, the answer is none. I have an outline, I have an intro, and I have started on the first two paras. I have a little less then a page...That means, seeing as I've not finished the first two paras, I have two more pages and six more paras, to write before I'm done. That shouldn't be to hard, seeing as it is due Wed, and I have tonight, all of tomorrow, and an hour on Wed to complete my paper, have it checked, redo anything that needs redoing, and then print it out and put it in a binder. I can do it. I just need to be inspired...Where is a muse when you need one? And why are colors, animals, and their mating insticts so hard to write about? BLAH.....

I was so happy just a few days age, and now I'm depressed and sngry at the same time. I feel like f*cking screaming right now! But I'm not screaming, I'm crying. I don't think Bri, Ana, and I will ever become the friends we were again. Ana has been living with Bri and her family since she was kicked out and Bri's mom has been a complete B^tch to Ana, has been talking bad about Ana, and has decided that when Ana does something she doesn't like, Bri's mom tells Bri and Bri most of the time doesn't tell Ana. Well, Bri told me this, and then Ana found out that Bri isn't telling her everythingm, asked me about it, and I, being the person who doesn't like to lie to my friends, told Ana that Bri told me something, but asked me not to repeat it (she thought that I would get revenge against her for something I told her that my dad said that I wanted to tell Ana myself, that she told Ana before I got the chance-Uhh...she really doesn't know me if she thought I would tell Ana). I didn't repeat what Bri told me, and told Ana she should just ask Bri about what was going on. Well, that didn't happen. Instead Ana thought it best for her to rant on her myspace blog about everything...Including that she had eavesdropped on a conversation that Bri had with her mom, and that I had told her that asked me not to say anything to her about what her mom said. Bri reads the note and leaves a pissy note about how she never told me anything except that she doesn't want me dissing her mom (I don't diss her mom. The only time I may say something is when Bri is upset at her mom and needs to be cheered up. Yeah, my parents get alot more heat then her's do. But so you see me telling them to stop? No because I diss my parents. And if I'm going to be dissing my parents then I shouldn't get mad at people when they diss my parents. Unlike someone else I know...Bri...GAHHHHHH!!) and how the reasoning behind her not saying everything her mom says is because it is just repeated. Another message has Bri saying that she does remember saying something else to me, but I had not right to tell Ana (one of my best friends, who asked me stright out if Bri had said anything to me, when I NEVER lie to my friends if possible) "yeah bri said something to me but I promised not to tell you." Yeah... They both continue to comment and reply on Ana's blog, having an all out fight.

William Shatner scares me. I'm not sure why, but he does. Ok, so I really don't know what I should write, but I think I am going to ramble. I had to do a butt load of yard work, and I got yelled at by my dad because I was ready to start working, yet hadn't gotten gas...Yeah, I was cofused by it too. I am bored, and no one is online...well let me rephrase that one person is online, but they are idling... :p on them. grrr... I want someone to talk to, but there is no one around. I also want to go see a movie, but it is so hard to get my friends together when we are all off. Blah. But on to better news, my Mi Mi is coming back from KY! YAY! I hope I can see her on Saturday. I'm so excited because I haven't seen her since August and have only been able to talk to her three times, so I'm glad she is coming home, even if it is only for a few days. Ok, what else can I ramble about? I was reading through my Xanga entries and thinking about what I have written I realized how depressed I can get, and how odd I can be when I am writing and not speaking to people. Hmm...I guess I just really come out of my sell when I let my thoughts flow. What is about typing that is so freeing to a person? Just putting my hands on a keyboard and the words come out, and most of the times the wrds that come out actually make since...When they are spelled right anyway. I love when then right words come out of my hands and on to paper or on to the computer screen. It's amazing how a person can be herself completely when she picks up a pen or sits at a computer. Oh the fun a girl could have when the things in her mind are put out for the world to see.

The impossible has happened...Smyrna has beaten Riverdale. In the 30 years that Smyrna and Riverdale have been playing each other in Football, that has never happened, and it happened tonight. This is amazing! I'm a Smyrna girl, even if I think that school was/is a prison, I was raised to bleed prple and gold from a young age (my parents thought I would grow up t be just like my preppy sister) and can never completely over ride the pride that I have when I hear of this type of miracle. No I am not school spirited and I will deny that I ever was, but sometimes, you have to let your colors shine through...Yeah...I'm still in shock... No thought it possible, if you had asked anyone at the school or a fan for their honest opinion, then they would have told you it wasn't going to happen and that they were happy to have gotten this far. What is up with the world when Smyrna beats Riverdale 9-7? F.Y.I Riverdale had beaten Smyrna 49-0 during regular season, this is in the play-offs... *dazed and confused*

I'm bored out of my mind right now... Nothing is on TV and no new Fanfiction. Grr...I'm happy, and that's amazing. I can not remember the last time I was really happy. Ana talked with me today, but not about last tues... And she asked what is going on with Bitty Guy (Hehehe...I like that nick name for him) because I was hanging out with him instead of taking her to work...She got to work on time so she shouldn't be worried... Anyway, it was like she had never been mad at me, when went right back into our rants and conversations of randomness...How can girls go from not talking for over a week to back doing the same old same old. I'll never understand the ways of life. But, now on to the happiness, I've been so stressed this whole semseter and that has been effecting me by makeing me so not happy, and then Bri and Ana stop talking to me for the past week and I get so depressed. I felt so horrible...But now I'm happy. My friends at school, as soon as they saw me asked why I was in a good mood. I don't think any of them had seen me smile so much. I hardly ever truly smile, most of the time I smirk or something, but today I was full on, see all my teeth, people asking why I'm happy, smiling. It was great.